since the end of the year is here, i decided to revisit my treasure map for the year, which i made in march then displayed dutifully on my computer's desktop for months before forgetting about it upon the death of the computer. later, i reinstated it, but my husband replaced it with a day of the dead image and i'm reluctant to argue with him about the matter by usurping his desktop authority.

today i examined the individual parts. read the words, thought about what i'd intended, what i'd had in mind. in large part, there is no way to determine if what i seek will come at all this year or the next. jon being on the job market means that things like "stability," "certainty," and "security" are somewhat difficult to come by. i've learned to try to not get my hopes up too high lest they be dashed in short order. of course, this goes against everything the map is supposed to be. i retain a sort of cautious optimism and continue to make plans, but try not to say them out loud too much. at least not yet...

the entire map centered on a theme of growing: personally, practically, literally, spiritually... i wanted to grow. i wanted to build on the new things i'd already been doing and simply grow them. i wanted to continue and deepen my involvement in my community, my commitment to local foods, my work with my children's education, my relationship with my husband, and my exploration of my place in all of it. most of this was pretty easy: i was already set for it, already on that path. recently i've surprised myself with a sort of dismissal of all of that as nothing much though. it may be simply an end-of-year, post-christmas-doldrums-feeling speaking, or it could be a bit of burn-out (which i hope is temporary).

i'm still sitting here clinging to the belief that all of the work of the last decade will come to a fruition of sorts where the next phase will begin. there is still time for that. it will come one day, one way or another.

the section that really caught my eye, however, was the phrase, "everyday limitless art" displayed carefully on leaves as though dripping like rain. it's hard to say whether it was accomplished precisely, though it was certainly attempted. the "everyday" part struck me. i thought of keri smith, of all artists that i admire, of the notion of free art everywhere all the time. the notions of creating and experiencing and really, ultimately, appreciating the small acts of creation that exist everywhere in our lives all the time.

so i thought, what i really need to do is embark on it with intention and a full heart. what i really ought to do is aim for everyday limitless art for real. be it writing or photography or collecting/catching or daydreams spun in doodle or any other real or virtual object i can see or experience, i should aim to make it every single day of all of my life. but maybe i'll just start with this coming year. i'm thinking art 365. we'll see where it goes. and if it goes. and how it goes.